You know, this year has not been a very good one, but this holiday season is very bad.

First, Kitty Baby passes, and now, too people that I care about are ill. My Uncle Bob called last night at about 2:48 AM to tell us that he was checking himself into the hospital for flu-like symptoms. He checked out at about 5:00 AM and went home feeling very bad. He hasn't been able to eat because it all comes back up. Not sure exactly what's wrong with him, but he's felling bad.

And now one of best friends, Matt, is in ICU for a blockage in his heart. Amanda called me and told me that he was feeling real bad yesterday and they took him to the hospital. They said he's okay now, but they won't know how bad it is til he has surgery. I am scarred right now. I know that I worry more than I should, but that's my nature. I worry a lot. I feel like I want to cry now. The family and my close friends 0look to me for their pillar of support when things go bad, but I have no pillar of my own. I have no one to lean on. My mind is flooding with all these thoughts and emotions and I don't have anyone to tell. I want to scream. I want to know why.

The only thing I can think of is to keep my mind busy and focus on something, so that's what I will do.

While playing Magic: The Gathering with Mat and Zac last night, we were also perusing FailBlog and what should he come across but this slice of insanity...

failblog.org/2009/10/30/baseball-bat-fail/

What's sad and hilarious at the same time is that I KNOW that cake. It came from our store. I am, in fact, the one who pressed it! Mike was the one who decorated it, however... Yeah...

::sigh:: I have a hard day at work and I come home to find out that Kitty Baby, a cat that's been with us for 20 years, passed away. Mom found her in the morning. She said from the looks of things, she went in her sleep, since rigor had set in. She was known as the family Robocat, since she didn't tale crap from anyone. or anything.

I remember one day when a neighbor's Black Lab had jumped the fence into our yard. Kitty Baby, reared back and ran at him on her HIND LEGS with her front claws out and ready! That poor dog just sat there and wagged his tail while jumped on him like a facehugger from Alien. She lefts good claw marks on him, but he was one of those dogs that just was really too dumb to care. But when Kitty Baby did that to the lab, the neighbor's other dog, a German Shepard, actually got scarred and backed off! Funniest thing I had ever seen. She was real crazy.

I used to go out on the back porch and sit and let her climb onto my belly and lay down for a bit, despite the few fleas that would pester me. She knew when you wanted a friend. She also had this cute thing she did with her paw where if you held your hand just a bit away from her head, she would reach out and pull your hand to her head to pet her. She also LOVED to be held. While other cats hate to be held, she loved it if you cradled her like a baby. She would just pur and fall asleep in your arms.

I am seriously tearing up right now. I am so gonna miss her.

For the first time in my WHOLE life, I am living in a house without a pet. i don't know...

Well, thing were going decently when I woke up toady... until Mom handed me a BILL from Quest Diagnostics that came in the mail yesterday.  Appherantly, when my doctor took a specimen sample of toe nail to be tested, he FAILED to tell me that I would have to PAY for that test!  $73.01!  For a frakking test!  And there was NO mention from the doctor about this!  If I knew I had to pay for this test, I would have declined it.  Now, I have to send off a payment to them for this.  Unfortunetly, there's nothing i can do, because it says that I, not the doctor, am responsible for the payment of thee test.  Jeeze, frakking highway robbery, that's what this is!

Well, I went to the podiatrist today or a checkup on my toe, which cost $75.  Waited 20 minutes, then was led into the Exam room, where we waited another 20 minutes, then he said he would be there in a few minutes.  8 minutes later he came in, put gloves on, and looked at the toe and said that it's done.  Most of the swelling was down, but it will take time to heal completely.  I don't have to take anymore medicine or put any more cream on it or anything.  I am done with it.  And that was it.  We said thank you and left.  Finally, I don't have to worry about doctoring the damn toe or having to wear a sock all the time or nothing!  Finally, relief.  And it only took 3 MONTHS!

After reading this, my side hurts...

content.techrepublic.com.com/2346-10877_11-333302-1.html

Well, today was... fun.  I had my podiatrist appointment at 2:15 and I just couldn't put my blasted toe off any longer.  We went in and waited 15 minutes after getting there 10 minutes EARLY!  The strange thing is that they have you pay FIRST!  $140 my visit was!

Now, to be honest, all day yesterday and today, I was nervous as hell!  Now you wonder, why was I nervous?  Well, I get that way whenever I have a doctor appointment.  I don't like doctors.  Nothing personal, it's just the profession.  They make me nervous as HELL!

Well, we finally got taken to the exam room, or as I call it, "Waiting Room #2" because there, after the nurse prepped us for the doctor, we waited another 20 minutes!  Finally the doctor peaked in and said he'll be there in 5 minutes.  10 minutes later, he came in, looked at the toe and knew exactly what was wrong.  he used some freeze spray to numb my toe while he gave me 2 shots of toe novacane  as I call it (which I didn't watch because I hate needles), then said he'd be back in 5 minutes.  7 minutes later he came back in, sat down, checked to see if my toe was numb, which it was, then pulled out a large pair of clippers.  I turned my head away, saying "Doc, if you don't mind, I ain't gonna look".  Being funny, he replied, "Don't worry.  I won't look either."  "WHAT!?" He laughed as he clipped.  I knew he was because I could hear it, but I didn't feel a thing except for the pressure that was him leaning his hand on my toe next to the toe he was working on.  Within a minute, he was done.  Appherantly, what had happened was a huge nail had grown down and to the right, INTO my toe, like a hook.  I could have clipped for days and bever seen it.  After that, I was bandaged up and sent home.

That was it.  I just have to keep it clean and doctored for 2 weeks, then go back and let him look at it again, which is a $75 visit.  While I am glad that Mom made me go, I think the bill was a bit much.  Oh well...  I've said it once, I've said it a THOUSAND times, and I'll say it a million times more.  They say you can't put a price on life, but I think they are doing a pretty damn good job of it.

I happened upon a little site that has a quiz that when you finish it, it will generate your real-life D&D stats.  Well, after doing it my stats came out kinds depressing.

STR:9
INT:11
WIS:9
DEX:6
CON:10
CHR:5

Looks like my character wouldn't last long in a fight with goblins...

Oh well....  Here's the site in case your interested:
kevinhaw.com/add_quiz.php

And considering I just broke my favorite desk chair because I was doing something stupid, that makes me feel even more special...  I wanna cry now...

This summer really sucks.  I am almost in tears about this...

You know, it's getting annoying.

I thought that I had a found a good, decent girl.  Her name is Jamie.  She's cute, smart, funny and nice.  We seemed to get along nice in the few times that I met her.  In fact, she is also a gamer!  Plus, she told me she is single!  And NO KIDS!

But alas, I am not meant to be happy...

I walked into Gamestop today, like I do everyday that I work, before I go to work.  Cody was talking to his girlfriend, who was agitated about something.  I waited till she left, then I talked to him and Dallas, who was also working there, a bit.  The subject turned to why his grilfriend was agitated.  The reason was because Cody's ex-girlfriend had started working in the mall.  She wasn't happy because his ex had tried to get back to together with him a few times.  He said that she was crazy.  Dallas asked what her name was.  Cody said it was Jamie Jones.

At that point, something in my mind clicked.  A bad feeling had come over me.  I tried to shake it off, but couldn't.  I had to be sure.  So, I asked Cody what she looked like, out of curiosity.  He said that she had short blonde hair and glasses.  That's her.  That's the girl that I was talking to at the Hershey's Ice Cream kiosk the very Sunday before.  So, after confirming that it was indeed her, I asked why they broke up.  Cody said that she was a medicaly-certified nympho; she sleeps with everyone.  Just great.  Then I told him that I had been interested in her, but I had no idea that it was her.  He said that if I wanted to go after her, I could.  Well, his exact words were "If you are into that kind of thing, go right ahead."

But I said no.  I can't.  Besides the golden rule of not going out with friend's ex's, there is also the fact of her cheating.  I don't want to go trhough something like that again.  You all know my history with a certain OTHER girl named Laura.  Now, you could argue that he might have lied because he hates her or something, but there is no real way I can be sure.  But, even if it weren't true, I still can't go after her.

You know... The universe must really love getting my hopes up, only do dash them so forcefully.  Oh well...  Look at it this way, with no girl or family of my own to get in the way, I'll be able to fully take care of my sister when Mom and Dad grow too old to be able to.  I guess that was God's plan all along: leave me alone and at home with no ambitions so that someone can be there to take care of her medical problems.  They say everything happens for a reason.  Well, I really wish God would come down and TELL ME so that I can stop trying to better my life and just be resigned to my fate.